Five observations on ‘Adolescence’
Of course i've seen Adolescence. For once, i was on trend. I'm usually 3–5 years behind. Five short observations:
I never doubted Jamie did it. Yet, he masked it effectively. This is not a paradox. Emotions never reveal themselves on command. It's possible he believed he 'didn't do anything wrong'. Either he didn't process what he did, or didn't see it as 'unjustified'. An irrational act, with a logical enough reason (for him).
The show explains some of his logic. Other things are more subtle. We don't see Eddie show true affection, or reassurance. He was so afraid of becoming his dad, he became permissible. Maybe he wanted to be a friend. But kids don't just need a friend, they need a leader. We didn't see male leadership anywhere in the series.
It's easy to blame this on phones and social media alone. But what if they're a symptom? And the deeper cause is kids' relationship with parents, or lack thereof? Gordon Neufeld talks about the importance of parent-child attachment, and attunement. This always needs to precede peer influences. Hard, but essential.
This doesn't mean it's Eddie's and Manda's fault. We have a 3-year-old, what do we know. But we aspire to always make it ok for her to talk to us about anything. One hypothesis: when kids talk to us, it's a mistake to react. Best thing to do? "I believe you". "I see". "Tell me more". See them first. Don't try to solve them.
Shows like these cut deeper now. They're culturally stimulating, but also a fork in the road. I imagine what i would have done. The harsh truth? I will never know. This is the definition of a complex problem. You can't solve them, only manage them. Maybe the best we can do is aspire to manage them 10% better than most.
Where am i right? Where am i wrong? What am i missing? Email me.
